Hard Conversations in College Ministry

 Part of doing College Ministry well is having hard conversations.  Here are some examples.

I went to visit a College Minister at his office and he was tied up with a student.  As he came out, he said, "That was one of those tough conversations.  I had to tell him if he was going on the Spring Break Mission Trip, he had to take a shower every day."

Some students indicated to me that one of our Freshmen Ministers was involved in some behavior totally contrary to the lifestyle commitment she had made.  I confronted her about it.  She denied it and I told her I would take her at her word.  I think the information I had been given was accurate, but I also think we must take people at their word.  That was a painful conversation!

One of the most committed students I ever had and an excellent student in the midst of a conversation said that she was doing a book report on a book she had not read.  I said, "Isn't that cheating."  She looked stunned and said, "I never thought about it."  The next week when we met, she said, "I read the book."

One of our guys was a natural leader, but had never stepped up in a leadership role in our ministry.  One day, I said, "If you aren't going to do a leadership role in BCM, you need to run for president of the student body."

One of our newly elected ministry leaders was a very attractive young woman and well liked.  I said to her at our first meeting, "You can get by on your good looks or you can really grow your leadership ability."  She became one of the best leaders we ever had.

A College Minister friend of mine who leads a large church ministry had to leave a meeting in Nashville early to go home and deal with the word that his Worship Leader was being seen drunk in student bars on Saturday night.  You think that was a hard conversation?

One of our really good BCM Presidents transformed personality wise almost over night it seemed and no longer was the leader he had been.  We had multiple hard conversations that resulted in no explanation or change and he sleepwalked through his last couple of weeks as our student leader.  I later learned that his parents were going through a divorce.  We never know all that is going on in a student's life.

What HARD conversations are you having with students?  It is part of the job AND it is part of doing the job well.  Often, saying something to a student they don't want to hear is for their benefit and future benefit.  Some will walk away, but many will stay and grow because you care enough to have hard conversations.

"A College Minister's Tips for College Freshmen" is available at Amazon.com/dp/B0GFLFNX98

The Crime of "Extreme Confidence"

A story is circulating in my part of the world about a lady who was going into a chain of Maverik convenience stores with her clip board and vest on who was doing quality checks on their snacks, drinks, and getting gas.  This went on over a period of four months.  She was quite efficient and pleasant to deal with.  One day, she came in when another employee was there from Maverik Headquarters......and well, well, well.  The Quality Control Inspector was NOT a Maverik employee.  In addition to the snacks and drinks she had gotten each time, she had gotten $2400 worth of gas and not paid.

She was arrested and charged with theft.  One of the arresting officers said, "She should be charged with Extreme Confidence.  I did not know that was a crime!  

Two Points to be Learned Here:

1.  She dressed the part and people generally treat you like you appear.  She had on the professional appearing work vest and the clip board. Fair or unfair...right or wrong that is a principle that continually demonstrates itself.  First impressions are huge and generally are relied on until proven differently.

I used to speak for lots of state-wide Campus Minister gatherings.  Often, the leader would say to me something like, "In one of your presentations, can you say something about dressing professionally when meeting with school administrators and pastors."  Lots of College Ministers dress like the students they are around and consequently the first impression they give off to administrators and pastors that do not know them causes them not to be treated with the professional regard that they should be and deserve. One first year College Ministry Intern told me once that she was embarrassed by the way her Lead Campus Minister went into a meeting with top school officials.  The Intern was embarrassed!! My simple rule is:  Dress like others at the meeting will be dressed.  

2.  She acted confidently like she knew what she was doing. Sometimes, as Christian leaders are  genuinely humble, they come across apologetically.  It is NOT ARROGANT to come across confidently.  There is a difference in arrogance and confidence.  You are a professional who knows what you are doing.  It is okay to believe that and definitely to act that way.  As a result, others will believe that and trust what you say.

I wrote an article once on the difference in Emceeing a Meeting and Leading a meeting.  An Emcee just announces what is next.  A leader (acting confidently) makes sure what needs to happen happens.

It is alright to be confident that God can, has, does, and will use you.

You can check out "A College Minister's Tips for College Freshmen" here:  Amazon.com/dp/B0GFLFNX98.

Calendar Your Summer

As this semester winds down and you hug students good bye and do some evaluation and planning, this is time to "calendar your summer."  What does that mean?  Someone once said, "Sometimes, life just gets so daily."  Their point was that it is easy to just take things as they come and not be intentional about the use of time and days.

What are some things you would like to accomplish this summer?

    -Read some specific things for your own growth or to develop the ministry.

    -Paint that one wall in your Center or re-do the pitiful landscaping outside.

    -Visit some churches and pastors in the area.

    -Develop that new Bible study material for your groups.

    -Write the outline of a better training for your group leaders.

    -Take two days and go somewhere to dream and plan for the long term of your ministry.

    -Lay out all your speaking topics for next fall and do a quick outline of each.

Okay.....now put those things on your calendar....so that the daily routine and things that just come up don't drown them out and SUDDENLY........IT IS AUGUST!

Make double sure that you have any Summer Orientations or other incoming Freshmen events or opportunities are on your calendar.

I would also suggest that you plug some "Golf Days" or whatever in there somewhere.  I used to go play golf one day shortly before school started.  It was my annual "Pre-school Tournament."  I always won!

Did you know there is a brand new E-Book Version of "A College Minister's Tips for College Freshmen" at Amazon.com/dp/B0GFLFNX98

 

Questions to Ask When the Semester is Over

 A friend was kind enough to message me and indicate they were going to do a staff retreat and what were some questions they need to ask or consider in their evaluation and plans going forward.

Here are a few:

1.  Were my priorities for the ministry demonstrated in what we did?

2.  Did we do anything new or in a different way that is definitely a keeper?

3.  What should go on our "Never do again" list?

4.  What was not worth the time, energy, or money that went into it?

5.  Who are some people we need to thank for one thing they did or for their help throughout the year?  Remember, I am a BIG proponent of handwritten thank you notes!

6.  What was our weakness that definitely showed itself this year?

7.  How do we need to upgrade our summer contacts with incoming freshmen?  

8.  If you are able to participate in Summer Orientations, is there anyway that needs to be done better or differently?

9.  If there is more than one staffer, do the areas we each work on need to be adjusted or coordinated in a different way?

10.  Were MY individual strengths/gifts used to the best advantage for the ministry?

11.  What is one thing I/we need to read and or what is something we need to ask our student leaders to read?

Check out A College Minister's Tips for College Freshmen:  Amazon.com/dp/B0GFLFNX98.  Or, do you need to read Fixing a Broken College Ministry:  Amazon.com/dp/1521876665