A friend called upset to ask, if I could help her son. He has graduated college and is living in another city. He and his girlfriend are wanting to get married and the church they are attending will not do the ceremony and their pre-marital counseling. They are involved in a young couples group and she attends a women's Bible study. Plus, they contribute to the church. They are living together.
They had made an appointment at the church to talk about the possible wedding but received an email the day before the appointment to say that the church staff would not do the wedding or their pre-marital counseling. The mother says, "They are trying to do the right thing." She went on to say, "What's the difference between them and a couple who maintain separate apartments but sleep together a couple of nights a week?" Her point is that they are more honest.
If a couple comes to ask if you will perform their wedding, do you ask if they currently sleep together occasionally? Or, do you ask, if they live together? Is there a difference?
I was asked once by a young woman to do her wedding, but I could not mention God or Jesus. She said the man she was marrying did not believe in God. She was not involved in our ministry but had grown up in the church I attend and said she had always dreamed of being married there. I indicated I needed to think about it. Could I be a witness in the situation somehow for good? I decided I would not do the ceremony.....for one reason, it would have been a sixty second ceremony. I talk a lot about God and what the Bible says about marriage and relationships. Without that, I got nothing. And, I don't do "Weddings for Hire". The pay is usually not good and you have to sit by their crazy aunt at the rehearsal dinner.
Some College Ministers I know have certain stipulations they give and will perform the ceremony, if those are met. If you have not been placed in this predicament, you will be. So, think through it and decide where you are. Some will not perform the wedding of a Christian and a non-Christian. But, they will do the wedding of two non-Believers, if they consent to pre-marital counseling which involves presenting the Gospel. Others say they will do a small more informal wedding. Some indicate they will do the wedding, if the couple commits to live apart leading up to the wedding.
I think there are good arguments on all sides of this discussion. But, here is one thing I think should be a universal answer. I would be glad to do your pre-marital counseling! Thank you for asking me. All of us in ministry are concerned about the state of marriage. If we perform a wedding of a couple who lives together, are we condoning that behavior? How do we draw people in and how do we not push them away? How do we stand on our principles and beliefs?
It is messy!
By the way, I was able to call a friend in that city who said he would be glad to meet with them and possibly do their ceremony.....and at the very least, he would offer to do their pre-marital counseling.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh." Ephesians 5:31
Arliss Dickerson's new book, ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT COLLEGE MINISTRY, is available at amazon.com
No comments:
Post a Comment