My thoughts today come out of the political world, but are non-partisan. It relates to the discussion of what is appropriate in regard to former Vice President Joe Biden and his hugging and kissing women on the forehead, back of the head, etc. While I am not as old as Mr. Biden, I am closer to his generation than those speaking against his actions.
Several years ago, I attended a College Minister meeting where it was suggested that we not hug our students in order to avoid any mis-understandings. It was even said we might wind up in legal troubles. I remember saying, "I guess I will wind up in jail, because I will continue to hug my students." It has been my experience that so many of our students have no one who expresses any affection toward them. I have patted on the shoulder, back, and hugged students through the years.
We have had lots of discussions about appropriate ways to hug....thus the famous "Christian side hug" utilized by many. I do not want our students to be uncomfortable and I certainly do not want to see any of our College Ministers wind up in legal jeopardy. So, where is the right place to land on this?
Some have said that part of this discussion is fueled by our students now doing relationships by text and snapchat, etc instead of face to face. It has been argued that they are losing sight of how to do personal relationships.
I believe in the power of touch. The Sunday Bible Study group of older adults I lead has been studying the miracles of Jesus. We read where he sometimes touched people to heal them...although some miracles he did not, which indicates it was not "necessary" for Him to touch them. It seems his touch was one of affirmation and compassion. And, touching a leper was a big deal. He could have healed him just with a word....but Jesus touched him. Likely, no one had touched him since he had contracted the disease.
Have the rules changed? Or is this simply a minor deal being made large because of the politics involved? Is there still a need and place for us to touch our students....hug our students? Some years back when I spoke each Thursday night at a large group worship event on campus, I would sometimes say, "When this is over, I will be standing at the door on the left, if anyone needs a hug." And there would usually be one or more takers who would often say something about a bad day or week.
When, where and how the hug happens can be part of the answer. I can remember two or three instances where female students reached out and hugged me in a way I felt uncomfortable with and in a situation where it was just the two of us. I quickly moved away and walked us into another part of the building. I cannot speak to their motive or intent for certain, but I wanted to make sure it was not mis-interpreted either by them or in conversations later.
The other day I reached out to shake hands with one of my male students. He ignored my outstretched hand and hugged me. I took it as a compliment and a blessing.
I do not have a magic word on this. I will just say think through this, be intentional in what and how you do, and let's not let politics be the final word in how we do ministry. And, I will close by quoting that great theologian, John Wayne, "Life is hard and life is harder when you are stupid.".
Arliss Dickerson is the author of five books on college ministry available for 99 cents each in eBook format at amazon.com. His paperback, FIXING A BROKEN COLLEGE MINISTRY, is currently priced at $3.99.
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