College Ministers and the Opposite Sex

The Vice President at one point stated his commitment to not meet with women individually and it has been met with a variety of responses.  I have never been Vice President and do not have any desire to be.  So, I cannot speak to his role and how it works.  But, it is an area always for careful thought for College Ministers.

Most, but certainly not all, College Ministers are men.  So, the issue for them is, "Do I meet privately with women?".  Or, for female College Ministers the question regards meeting individually with men. For some College Ministers that answer is no; I will not meet individually with members of the opposite sex.

That is not my position.  In my experience, with different young women serving in key leadership roles it was not possible to do my job well and not meet individually with them.  I even found that young women often sought an older man's perspective on issues and when we had women staffers, guys would often go to them for their specific viewpoint.

When we built our new Baptist Student Center, it was first suggested that we put a full sized glass door in my office in order to protect me.  I resisted that suggestion because it was my experience that in meeting with leaders and others who sought help, that sometimes tears were involved.  I did not want students to feel that they could not share painful things without privacy.  Yet, I understood the intent of those who saw the need for a glass door.  We settled on a door that had a glass that was about four inches wide and  ran down the left side of the door almost half way.  Others passing by or standing in the reception area could not have an easy and open view of all of my office.  Yet, it was a window into my office.

Here are my guidelines for you to consider, if you have not decided a policy.  Or, you may be feeling the need to re-think what and how you operate with the opposite sex.  We all know this has become a more sensitive topic.

1.  DON'T BE STUPID!
There is a quote attributed to John Wayne that I like:  "Life is hard; it is harder if you are stupid."  If a student of the opposite sex acts in any way that they have inappropriate intent or are mis-understanding of your intent, get out of it immediately.  Once a young woman began to reach out and hug me in a way in which I was totally uncomfortable,  I immediately pulled away and walked out into the hall way.  Awkward is better than stupid!

2.  DON'T GO TO A GIRL'S ROOM IN THE DORM, IF YOU ARE A GUY.  FEMALES SHOULD NOT GO TO A GUY'S DORM ROOM.

In this day almost anyone can go to any room at any time or various times in the dorm.  Don't go to a student of the opposite sex's room.  There are lots of places on campus to meet.  How does this sentence sound, "He goes to girls rooms in the dorm."?  "She goes to guy's rooms in the dorm." It does not matter what your intent and purpose was.  You will lose on that statement. It can be a one hundred percent true statement......that conveys false information!

3.  AVOID THE APPEARANCE OF EVIL.
I have seen College Ministers standing with a student of the opposite sex in just a way that had a bad vibe to it.  Be conscious of the appearance of your actions. That may not seem fair....but we are not talking about fair, we are talking about your reputation and your ministry.  Don't be paranoid about it, but be mindful.

4.  CONSIDER YOUR SPOUSE AND KEEP YOUR SPOUSE IN THE LOOP.
 Consider your spouse in how you operate and how your actions may affect their feelings and concerns. Different spouses have different trigger points, when it comes to this issue.  If something does happen that might be interpreted negatively, it is better for your spouse to hear about it from you rather than from the "grapevine". 

Do I know of College Ministers who have gotten in trouble with the opposite sex?  Yes I do!  Have all that lost their job over this issue deserved it?  I don't have a clue.  Be wise in how you act and in the appearance of your actions.  After all, it is ONLY your reputation, your calling and your job!"

"Therefore, be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."  Matthew 10:16b

Arliss Dickerson's new book, ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT COLLEGE MINISTRY, is available at amazon.com.

What is the Most Important Skill, Ability, or Characteristic for a College Minister?

As the season for college ministry vacancies develops and people are looking for the right person to fill those vacancies progresses, what is the single most important thing?  Is there one thing that makes for a successful College Minister?  The first person who hired me many years ago and who was my first mentor in college ministry told this story once.  A pastor came to see him to recommend one of his own staff for a vacant college ministry position.  The pastor said, "He is really good with small groups.".  The college ministry leader said, "I have lots of people who are good with small groups.  I am looking for someone who is good with large groups.".

To be honest, that is what most of us are looking for when we have a college ministry position to fill....someone who works with LARGE groups.  As we continually look at the loss of the twenty something generation to the church, how can we reach more for Christ?  Lots of us are working well with small groups....what does it take to work with large groups?

What is the most important characteristic, skill or ability for a College Minister?

SPEAKER -The "poster ministries" all have the dynamic speaker.  This is the one who fills an arena every week.  And, it is usually the first thought that comes to everyone's mind who is looking for a new College Minister.  A great speaker gives instant credibility and draws attention to the ministry. Yet, if the number of people who can do this and  have this "star quality" is very limited,  is this the must have ability for a good College Minister?

ONE TO ONE DISCIPLER -  There are those that argue that one to one discipling of students is where real life change and impact happens.  If that is the case, is this the most important characteristic?  It takes a special person who can connect with and continually meet individually with students and challenge them to grow in their personal relationship and walk with the Lord.

OUTGOING PERSONALITY - This is the person who never meets a stranger and can instantly call by name that student who came once last year.  It is the unique ability to genuinely be and for everyone to feel this is their best friend.

ORGANIZER - An Organizer can develop a strategy and roles for a wide variety of students who will then touch other students.  Their ministry is larger than their own personal connections due to the organization.  Students can be drawn to something that is well done and it is particularly appealing to those students who are looking for a place to serve or to grow their own leadership skills for the future.

PASSION FOR THE LORD - There are those who would argue apart from a passion for the Lord, nothing else matters.  Those with passion attract others.  Those with passion tend to infect others. A passionate few can have more impact than those who just muddle along. Yet, does this person have the ability to transfer that passion to others?

There is an argument to be made for each of these being the most important.  Others would say that a healthy mix of all of these would be the ideal.  Yet, if we are honest, most of us in college ministry would have one or two of these where we are strong and one or two that are not our strong point.

I have seen strong ministries led by College Ministers who had each one of these strengths as their primary gift or ability.  In my mind, it comes down to two different truths.  First, what fits this campus situation or what the ministry has previously been?  So, for this situation, that ability/gift is most important.  Second, how do we highlight or emphasize the particular gift or strength of the College Minister?

Sometimes, ministries in transition struggle because they are changing from a College Minister with one lead strength/ability to a College Minister with a different one.

For those hiring a College Minister the question is, which lead strength/ability do you need/want?  For the College Minister it is the question, How do I maximize the lead strength I have?  And, is there one of these that is particularly weak that I need to work at some intentional development?

Coming in May:  FIXING A BROKEN COLLEGE MINISTRY.....an Amazon eBook.

Different Types of College Ministers: The good, the good, and the good!

I have stated frequently that I have been on enough different campuses and seen enough different ministries to see that there is more than one way to do it well and right.  I have also seen there is more than one type or style of successful or impactful College Minister. In recent days as I have talked with and consulted with people who are looking for a new College Minister to fill vacant positions, I am reminded how everyone wants to hire the perfect one.  Attendance will suddenly double and the campus will be changed.

It has taken me back again to think about what the different types and styles of College Ministers there are.  I have written about those types in the past and given them different names and descriptions.  Here is a new swing at some of the different types I see.

THE PERSONALITY - I list this one first because that is really what everyone thinks they need.  This is the person who is the gifted speaker who brings instant credibility and growth to the ministry.  Yet, there are few who fit this description and more and more those who do are moving toward planting a church rather than doing college ministry.  One thing we have to realize is that some are naturally gifted in this area while others can grow into being a strong speaker given time and opportunity.

THE CEO - This is the Type A personality who is not a speaker but is a strong leader who is an organizer and promoter.  He/she tends to recruit others to be up front or to be the prime speaker, but they are clearly in charge and the overall face of the ministry.  When they do speak their effectiveness is related to their leadership or drive.  One of the strengths the CEO type often bring is the ability to draw in a variety of people with different gifts.  The CEO is a recruiter.

THE MANAGER - The Manager is different than the CEO in that a manager's personality tends to be quieter and more behind the scenes.  They may even work at NOT being seen.  Their impact is seen over the long term with an on-going stability and predictability to the ministry.  They tend to have a smaller circle of student leaders.  The Manager is usually a long term person who tends to find the spot where they feel God has led them and to take root there.  The ministry will not vary significantly one year to the next.

THE PASTOR - The Pastor often is a former pastor of a church who brings a very "ministerial style" to what they say and do.  This is the one that students often refer to as "Brother Bob".  This type usually takes a very kindly and pastoral approach to the needs and concerns of students.  Frequently, this College Minister is one who tends to be a bit older and ministers from a parent or grandparent perspective.

THE PEER - Another title sometimes not given kindly to this style is, "the Hang Out Minister".  Obviously, most of these are younger, but not all.  They tend to focus on one to one relationships and spend a major amount of time simply being with students and connecting to them where ever they are found.  The strength of this style is usually found in start-up situations and ones not given to strong spiritual leaning.  Some young College Ministers begin in this style simply due to age and experience and grow into what will be their overall long term style.

One of my core beliefs is that our weakness is usually the back side of our strength.  The Personality often does not organize well or The Manager may not speak up and lead out when that is needed, etc.  Different campus settings may call for a different type or style of College Minister.  Also, there is not a magic age.  I have seen the sixty year old who is knocking it out of the park with students and I have seen the young guy or gal who students responded to or thought was just immature.  The best age to do college ministry well is the age you are right now!

There are two basics to developing as a College Minister that are often ignored:

1.  PURPOSEFUL - Most of us start doing college ministry like we have seen someone else do it.  If we were active in a college ministry as a student and it was a positive experience, we tend to try to emulate the leadership style that we saw.  Yet, that style may not fit our spiritual gifts and personality.  A College Minister, particularly a newbie, must look at different types and styles and see the strengths and weaknesses of each and what fits in who God has created them to be.  Realize it will take some time and experience to work out your style.  BUT,  don't let it be an accident!

2.  COACHING - Too many College Ministers are simply put into situations to sink or swim.  We need more intentional coaching.  Those who supervise College Ministers need to see that coaching is provided and College Ministers need to see the need for coaching and actively seek it in their own life.  That involves inviting and learning from constructive feedback and intentionally.

Are you being intentional about your style and are you seeking coaching?  Are you recognizing the weaknesses of your style and recruiting others in those areas? Every College Minister needs to be receiving or giving coaching.......or both!


Coming in May:  FIXING A BROKEN COLLEGE MINISTRY.....an Amazon eBook.

8 Questions to Ask Before the End of the Semester

1.  What is it that you or your ministry did that made the most difference?
-What moved students toward life change?
-What gave you the biggest bang for the buck expense wise?

2.  What did you do that has had its day?
-It used to work or be of value, but things have changed and maybe you are doing it out of habit.
-Or, is it not a negative, but it just is not worth what it costs in terms of time or money.

3.  Are you making decisions based on what is rather than what was?
-Things change.  Campuses change.  The make-up of your student leadership changes.

4.  Are you playing to your personal strengths and the strengths of your ministry?
-Make sure you are getting the most out of what you ought to be getting the most from.

5.  Who is a student that needs to be given a second chance?
-We have all had students who let us down and did not do that they were capable of doing.
-Think back to first of the year.....even last year.  Extend an opportunity to them.
-Let them know you believe in them.....you never know.

6.  Who is someone who needs a special thank you for what they have done this school year?
-It may be a student who has functioned like a full time staffer and you need to say a big thanks or take them to lunch and acknowledge you know what they did and how much it mattered.
-Is there a donor who came through just at the time you thought the doors might close?
-Is there a pastor or someone who stood up for you when no one else was?
-Is there a school administrator, an administrative assistant, or a janitor that came through for you?

7.  Are you a friend to the whole campus?
-Are there people all over campus who know who you are and that you care?
-As the weather warms and people are more out and about, consider more where you might could be out and about.

8.  What is one thing you have always wanted to try?
-Have you always wanted to have your large group event somewhere different, at a different time or day?
-Is there an outreach event that might be risky but you have always wanted to see if just maybe....
-Considering a change for next semester?  Try it now to learn what needs to be tweaked....or abandoned!

Coming in May:  FIXING A BROKEN COLLEGE MINISTRY...an Amazon eBook.