If You Have a Son or Daughter Going to College this Fall, They Probably Won't Go to Church.

Some college ministry experts say that 90% of students going to college do not attend church.  Others say it is not that bad....it is ONLY 70% who don't attend church.  So, odds are that will include your son or daughter.

I have spoken at lots of Senior Sunday Graduation events or Senior Dinners.  When I share those figures, the parents always sit there and smile at me.  At first, I thought they were probably not listening.  Then my wife explained it to me, "They all think their son or daughter is the one out of ten or three out of ten that is going.

Since then, I have realized a third possibility.....Parents don't care.

I don't mean to be harsh, but.....I have realized that many parents do not expect spiritual connections in college because they had none when they went to college.....and they came back to church.  I believe in some way or other that message is communicated to their college bound sons and daughters.  At the very least, they do not communicate any expectations of spiritual connections and involvement.

There are two problems with this.  First, If they do come back, they bring the issues that developed while they were away from the Lord and spiritual influence.  They make life choices and often pick a spouse during this "vacation from God".  Second, right now studies indicate that those who go away in college are not coming back....at least not yet.

Here is a less than perfect suggestion.  Parents should expect and communicate that they expect spiritual involvement in college. Do you communicate an expectation of good grades or of keeping a scholarship?  Most likely you do or will.  So, why not communicate spiritual expectations?  Just like grades, you cannot mandate it, but you can express and encourage it.  That means asking questions about grades, going to class, and attendance at a Baptist Collegiate Ministry and or a local church.

A message many high schoolers are getting is that graduation is also graduation from church.  One person who has studied this has said, "Parents are not getting what they want from their student, but they are getting what they deserve." (from the book, First Year Out).  What he means is, Don't expect anything from your student that you do not practice yourself.  That does not insure their involvement, but it increases the odds!

If you have a son or daughter going off to college in a few weeks, you can make sure the Baptist Campus Minister (more than 700 BCM ministries nation wide) and/or a local church has their name and contact information.  Many of these will be mailing, emailing, calling, or texting information about Welcome Week events and other connection opportunities.  Their first friends and connections will help determine their college habits.

What a freshmen does their first 2-3 weeks of the fall goes a long way toward determining their habits and practices for their whole college career.  You can increase the odds by what you say and do AND by letting someone know they are coming that will reach out to them.  Now is the perfect time to do it.

One last suggestion:  When you go for Move-In Weekend, plan for all of you together to attend a college ministry church on that Sunday.  They are more likely to go back to somewhere they have already been and know how to get in, etc.  Or, when you go for Parents Weekend this fall, make Sunday church part of the schedule.

Arliss Dickerson's book, Tips for College Freshmen:  124 Tips for Fun, Faith& Good Grades, is available at Amazon.com/dp/B09QFB9DJ9.

7 Things Graduating High School Seniors and their Parents Need to Know

 1.  Psychologists tell us that the two greatest times of change in a person's life are birth to age one.....AND  High School Graduation to Christmas.  

Boom!  You just hit major life change time.  Both student and parents. All of what has defined you is changing.  You are no longer "the smartest in class", or a cheerleader or Captain of the team.  It is a time of figuring out, who am I really.  Parents are also figuring out how to do this new stage of more free and yet being a help.

2.  A major cause of conflict between new grads and parents is that they see things from opposite ends.  

High school seniors/grads see it from the end that assumes the best possible thing will always happen.  Parents see it from the end that the worst possible thing could happen.  Usually, the truth is somewhere between the two extremes.

Grads need to understand that parents are trying to protect them....not hold them back.

3.  For those going to college:  the first 3 weeks are the most important of your whole college career!  What you do then goes a long way toward determining your success or failure in college.  You will make your friends.  You will get into a pattern and schedule.  Some blow off the first 3 weeks and get so far behind they literally destroy or damage their whole college career.

Luke 2:52 says, "Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man."  That is all about balance in life.  Get into a pattern of sleep, study, exercise, healthy relationships and eating right.

A Survey of 100 Arkansas State University students asked, "What's the dumbest thing you did as a freshman?"  The 3 Top Answers:

    3.  Not taking college seriously.....it's harder than high school (either classes or the freedom...or both!)

    2.  Not going to class.....no one checks on you and no one makes you.  The easiest thing you can do to do well in college is go to class.

    1.  Not getting involved in campus activities and hiding out in my room or just hanging with my former high school friends.  National studies show that students involved in campus activities are more likely to be happy, stay in school, and graduate.

4. Practicing your faith has to be an intentional choice.  Four out of five high school seniors active in church make NO spiritual connections in college.

3 Main Reasons:

    1.  Not making an intentional choice and priority of it during the first 2-3 weeks.  College is busier than high school.

    2.  Proving independence.....no one is making me get up and go or checking on me.

    3.  Tough questions raised about faith by professors and other students.  Just because you don't know an answer does not mean there is not an answer.

5.  You need a posse.  Friends matter!  Pick your friends by your priorities...not your priorities by your new friends.  Want to make A's?  Be friends with others who want to make A's  Want to grow as a Christian and make right choices?  Make friends with others who want to grow as a Christian.  You get the idea.  You will likely be like the people with whom you spend your time.

6.  A National Study on Dating and Marriage shows something pretty shocking!!  You will marry someone you date!!!! Don't date someone you would never marry.  Lots of college students admit they are dating someone they would never want to marry.....but then many marry that person.  Date stupid - Marry stupid!

7.  You have a new start!  Who and what do you want to be?  Even if you did it wrong in high school...now you get to start over.  Success or failure in high school does not automatically repeat in college.

Arliss Dickerson's book, Tips for College Freshmen:  124 Tips for Fun, Faith & Good Grades, is available at Amazon.com/dp/B09QFB9DJ9.

College Ministers and Pressure

College Ministers often feel pressure.  It is not just the Senior Pastor with the big budget and the expectations of attendance, etc.  

So, what causes the pressure College Ministers feel?

Expectations of others 

Those raising their salaries can feel like others are sacrificing for me to be doing this and I need to show them it is worth it.  Or, you may serve on what is called a "Flagship Campus" where visibility is high and with that may go some resources, but the expectations are higher, it seems.

Competition

Multiple ministries can cause pressure.  Even when we are trying to "not compete" but work together for the best for God's Kingdom, there is a sense of pressure in trying to do what is best for your ministry and still want the best for another ministry.  We tend to compare and comparison is one of the killers of College Ministers.

Our Inner Demons

Someone has said that our inner voices are always negative.  So, often we hear the inner voices say we are not doing enough to reach more.  Or, if we do not have X attend our events, we have failed.  Sometimes, we let our desire to do our best get out of hand.  Most of us have inner demons....I know I do.  Be honest about your inner demons.

So, how do we deal with our sense of pressure?

1.  Trust the Lord.  I know; I hate that answer too.  You say, it is not that simple.  It is not, but it is.  Remind yourself that God is always doing more than you know.  He is.  I believe that!  Realize that when things are going well, it is not all your doing and when it is going not so well, it is not all your fault.  Trust in the Lord and ask Him to help your see yourself and the situation realistically.

2.  Set realistic goals.

Often, our sense of pressure is the result of unrealistic goals.  My wife, Sue, said to me one year when I was fuming over where the ministry was, "It is not possible for every year to be better than the year before."  No matter how good, how strong, or how large your ministry is, every year cannot be better than the one before it.  Student leaders change.  Campus situations change.  It snows, rains, or there is a big ballgame scheduled against our main event.  Ministries go through seasons of plenty and seasons of drought.  There are slower times and plentiful times.  I kept a chart through the years that helped me see that attendance always varied at certain times.  It is just the rhythm of the campus.  

3.  Have a sounding board.

All of us need one or two folks we can talk to....besides our spouse.....who get what we do and to whom we can be totally honest.  Sometimes, we are placing more pressure on our spouse by them being our only sounding board.  Of course, talk to your spouse about it, but don't let them be the only one and let that drive your relationship all the time.  Have a couple of friends in ministry you can and do sound off to regularly and can even talk about your inner demons.  Get feedback.  And just spitting it out helps!

4.  Practice a healthy lifestyle.

If we work ALL the time, we are more likely to be unhealthy!  Exercise;  do something fun.  Take a night or day off.  Don't say, "My work is my play."  I hope you love your work, but it is unhealthy if that is all you have.  If you have children, don't cheat them to benefit the ministry.  Time with them also renews you.  Invest in your own spiritual development.  If you are a preacher, maybe you don't need to preach somewhere all the time and go to church some just for you.  Oh yeah, you need church and spiritual community too!

5.  Look for and celebrate what God did this week.  

Look for it and celebrate it whether it is big or small.  Intentionally look for some things to celebrate and thank God for EVERY week.

Arliss Dickerson's book, A 3 Part College Ministry Success Formula, is available at Amazon.com/dp/B0BZ6Q7HSV and Reaching MORE College Students is at Amazon.com/dp/B0BMW8NPMN.

I Admit It.....I LOVE a Good Meeting!

 I know I am a freak of nature, but I love a good meeting.  I was with a group of Church College Ministers who said their greatest frustration was too many staff meetings and staff meetings that did not accomplish anything.  

The Value of Good Meetings:  First of all, it is my strong belief that the more leaders that are informed, bought in and feel like they have a say in what is going on, the stronger that organization will be....especially if a storm comes. But, it is especially important for a ministry staff to be connected, encouraging to one another and informed.

Some Keys to GOOD and PRODUCTIVE Meetings (Especially Staff Meetings):

1.  Have a set time to meet and start and end on time.  That is a frustration I hear regularly that a staff meeting went way over time.

2.  Meet somewhere private so as to not be interrupted.

3.  The leader should have an agenda and share that agenda in advance.  This allows others to get something on the agenda that they know needs to be addressed.  Plus, that allows some time to think about something that will be discussed.  That helps avoid those blank stares.

4.  Laugh during the meeting......at appropriate times.  Laughter is the lubrication of any meeting.  Don't be afraid of it.  Embrace it.

5.  Ask each staffer to share something in the ministry the past week that has been encouraging.

6.  Give the opportunity for any to share any major frustrations.....but beware of evolving into a "gripe session".

7.  Evaluate any major events just completed.

8.  What is coming up that anyone needs to know about?  How do each of us need to be on the same page about it and what is my responsibility?

9.  One practice I developed in later years in leading our staff meeting I would ask, "How have I been a jerk this week?"  Sometimes it brought a laugh......other times it helped us talk out a misunderstanding.

10.  Take prayer requests and pray....more than a quick perfunctory prayer.....more than one person pray.....pray like you are in the spiritual business.

A BONUS:  Occasionally, bring some sort of food treat to the meeting!

Arliss Dickerson's book, A 3 Part College Ministry Success Formula, is available at Amazon.com/dp/B0BZ6Q7HSV and Reaching MORE College Students is at Amazon.com/dp/B0BMW8NPMN.

Two NEW and FREE Resources for College Ministry

 I always love my time at the Collegiate Ministers Summit....old friends....new friends....hearing good stuff and more.

What was the best thing said at the Summit....besides...Let's eat?  "A College Minister should never resign in November or April."  That is wisdom.  Beverly Skinner said it quoting Joyce Ashcraft on the Old Pro's Panel I was privileged to be on.

FREE STUFF:  Paul Worcester and his team are coming out with new resources for Collegiate Ministers.  The first one is "5 Leadership Principles for Collegiate Ministry".  It is an eBook available at gensend.org. This one is by Paul and Shane Pruitt.

COMING LATER:  Three more that are coming are:

-A Guide for Collegiate-Focused Church Planting

-A Guide for Church-Based Collegiate Ministry

-A Guide for Campus Based Collegiate Ministry

MORE FREE STUFF: "The Campus Across the Street" has been developed the Baptist Collegiate Network.  Its purpose it encourage the local church to engage the nearby campus.  It is available at collegemininstry.com.

Arliss Dickerson's book, "A 3 Part College Ministry Success Formula" is available at Amazon.com/dp/B0BZ6Q7HSV and Almost Everything About College Ministry is at Amazon.com/dp/B08CMD9CXX.