Young Adult Ministry is MESSY!

 A young couple just out of college is living together.  They are attending a church and the church will not do their wedding.

I shared the story a while back about a friend who called to ask, if I could help her son.  He and his girlfriend live in another city and attend a large church there.  They go to a young couples Sunday group and she is in a Women's Bible Study and they contribute to the church  They made an appointment at the church to talk about a possible wedding, but received an email the day before the appointment to say that no one on the church staff would do their wedding or pre-marital counseling.

"What's the difference between them and a couple who maintain separate apartments but sleep together a couple nights a week?" my friend asked. Her point is that her son and his girlfriend are more honest.

If a couple comes to you to ask, if you will perform their wedding, do you ask if they currently sleep together occasionally?  Or, do you ask, if they live together?  Is there a difference?  Or, do you ask any questions?

Some College Ministers and Pastors I know have certain stipulations they give and will perform the ceremony, if those are met.  Some will not perform the wedding of a Christian and non-Christian.  But, they will perform the wedding of two non-Christians, if they consent to pre-marital counseling which involves presenting the Gospel.  Others say they will do a small more informal wedding for a couple who have been living together.  Some indicate they will do the wedding, if the couple commits to live apart leading up to the wedding.

I think there are good arguments on all sides of this discussion.  But, here is one thing I think should be a universal answer, "I will be glad to do your pre-marital counseling.  Thank you for asking me." All of us in ministry are concerned about the state of marriage and the number of divorces.  If we perform the wedding of a couple who lives together, are we condoning that behavior? How do we draw people in and not push them away?  How do we stand on our principles and beliefs....with Grace?

It is messy!  I called a friend in that city and he said he would be glad to meet with them and possibly do the ceremony......and at the very least, he would offer to do their pre-marital counseling. 

So, how do you operate?  Will you do the wedding of anyone who asks?  Do you ask any questions?  Do you have any stipulations?  Here is the point, IF YOU HAVE NOT FACED THIS SITUATION, YOU WILL.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh."  Ephesians 5:31

Arliss Dickerson's book, A 3 Part College Ministry Success Formula, is available at Amazon.com/dp/B0BZ6Q7HSV and Almost Everything About College Ministry is at Amazon.com/dp/B08CMD9CXX.