Since i was 20 years old, i have spent time with younger believers. Putting forth my best efforts to help them follow Jesus. I'm 39 now and have lived long enough to see the fruit of these discipleship relationships. It is still, to this day, one of the most encouraging and affirming things I hold on to when it comes to my calling in ministry.
By far the most unique and personally sanctifying for me was my discipleship relationship with Axan. Axan is a Haitian international student that I had the privilege of discipling for over three years. He lived with us and became a part of our family. He and I met weekly for discipleship. What the Lord taught me about discipleship through that relationship has shaped the way I disciple now and for the rest of my life.
#1. Discipleship is deeper than personal compatibility.
Before Axan and I started meeting, all of my discipleship relationships were people that looked like me, had similar hobbies, socioeconomic backgrounds, and came from similar church cultures. In fact, to my shame, I thought back on some of the discipleship relationships that I let fizzle. That decision was primarily based on personal compatibility. yeah we could talk about the Bible but they weren't really into sports like I was. We could talk about the Gospel but not The Office.
Axan and I had very little in common culturally. In fact, I found myself being intrigued and curious about the Haitian people every time we met. I would always ask him questions about his upbringing and church culture. The two things that I have loved all my life are sports and movies. I have two distinct memories with Axan around these two categories. I remember having to teach the game of baseball and football to Axan while we were watching it. He had no interactions with the game before then. So we didn't find ourselves playing Monday morning quarterback together in our weekly discipleship. Another memory I have is a conversation about movies. Most of the time he would replay, "Yeah, I've seen parts of it." Finally I asked him, "What's your deal with only watching parts of movies? Can't you GenZers sit still long enough to watch a movie?" In one the most humbling moments of my time with him, he replied, "No, it's because because in Haiti the power can go out so frequently and we never know when it will come back on. We rarely have power long enough to see a movie from start to finish." Axan and I couldn't have been more different. We couldn't talk shop about sports or movies much but he humbled me. He instilled in me a sense of gratitude that I wouldn't have otherwise.
Some verses for reflection to avoid this tendency.
(1) therefore, as a prisoner for the Lord I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called. (2) with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. (3) eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (4) There is one body and one Spirit---just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call--(5) one Lord, one faith, one baptism, (6) one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (7) But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Ephesians 4:1-7
(1) My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. James 2:1
#2 Discipleship is about multiplying Christ into others and not multiplying your Christian culture into others.
(1) Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. Acts 4:13
Up until the point that I began meeting with Axan, I never really thought about how much of my white, middle-class, southern, seminary educated self was being instilled in those I was discipling. Axan had/has aspirations of returning to Haiti at some point in his life. Because our cultures are so different, I developed a concern that when he got back that he would no longer be relatable to the people there. I didn't want him to go back to his people and they recognized that he had been with white American Christians. I wanted them to recognize that he had been with Jesus. So, I constantly evaluated what I was showing him and instilling in him. Was it pure Bible? Was it Jesus? No doubt we have those people that sound like the seminary they attended or the church that they attended. We are all prone to want to instill our particular theological learnings into others. How do you pick what type of curriculum or book to go through? Is more of your time devoted to Christian theology or Christian living? Do you focus more time on the aspect of Christian living that are your strengths? How do you discern between biblical Christian obedience and your Christian cultural norms? Who are the people that you are discipling really following: Jesus or you? Do they sound like Jesus or you? Do they live like Jesus or you?
Have they been with Jesus or you?
I can't help but wonder if there is a person in your ministry that is vastly different from you that you should be pursuing in a discipleship relationship. Don't deny them or yourself that opportunity to be sanctified in it.
Ben Neiser is Collegiate Minister in Provo, UT and State Collegiate Network Coordinator for the Utah/Idaho SBC
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