Don't Grouse with Your Spouse! 5 Tips for College Ministry Home Life

 "No, you did not tell me you were going to be gone then!"  We have had that conversation lots of times at my house.  How about you?  Those who work in college ministry have crazy schedules and work at odd times.  It takes a spouse who either shares God's calling to college ministry or is committed to that calling in their spouse's life.

But, we are wrong, if we think they just need to understand.  Even when your spouse does understand, we must work at having the best possible home life and relationship with our spouse and children.  It is not just the spouse's responsibility to deal with it.

Here are 5 Suggestions for a Better Home Life in the College Ministry World:

1.  Keep a calendar at home that has your work and travel dates, special events, etc on it.  This is especially important if it is something they are invited to or need to attend.

2.  Do your best to be home when you say you will or call when you are running behind schedule.  You will run behind schedule often, but letting your spouse know where you are or what is going on makes a difference!

3.  Arrange your schedule so you can pick up your kids from school once a week or be home when they get there.  That communicates a ton and blesses you with that time, especially with young children.  There will come a time when they are grown and gone...you never get that time back.  Don't lose it.

4.  Remember and remind yourself that your spouse is more important than your best student!  Your best student leader quitting is painful.....but your spouse "quitting" is catastrophic!!!

5.  Have a standing "Lunch Day Date".  When kids are in school it does not require a baby sitter.  Lunch is cheaper.  An every week forty-five minute lunch might be even better than a once a month date night.  Doing both is a big winner.

Check out The College Minister's Library at Amazon.com/dp/B0BMW8NPMN

Quick Tips for College Ministers #2

 Quick Tip #2

MENTORING is key and does not have to be complicated.

1.  Set a regular time to meet with individual leaders or students you see as having real potential.

2.  Talk about what is going on in their life....important stuff, little stuff. Ask questions. LISTEN!

3.  Affirm the strengths, gifts, and potential you see in them.  Many have never had anyone do that.

4.  Help them answer and deal with their faith questions.

5.  Talk about leadership issues.  Who is the best leader or worst leader they have seen?  Why?

6.  Help them evaluate and learn from their own leadership experiences.

7.  Be lovingly honest with them.  If you are not honest, you are not mentoring.

Check out The College Minister's Library:  Amazon.com/dp/B08CMD9CXX.

10 Guidelines for College Ministers

 1.  Be the best YOU possible.  You are the most important and valuable tool for your college ministry.

2.  Build up and affirm students.  Deal with them according to their potential, not just who they are now.

3.  Practice balance in family, work, exercise, and worship.  Your children will grow up and leave.  Don't regret your lack of quality time with them.

4.  Communicate continually to others what you are doing and trying to do.

5.  Spend excessively wisely on difference makers.

6.  Keep learning from others.

7.  Vent to someone besides your spouse all the time.

8.  Connect to and work with school officials as much as possible and when possible.  It will come back to you.

9.  Mentor younger College Ministers.  It builds the kingdom AND will benefit you.

10.  Evaluate continually and tweak as needed.

Arliss Dickerson is a college ministry advocate, blogger and author.

Check out The College Minister's Library at Amazon.com/dp/B0FFTHL6HP.

Quick Tips for College Ministers #1

 I am starting a new series, where I will post "Quick Tips for College Ministers" instead of a full blown blog article every time.  

Quick Tip #1

There is a SEASON for everything

College ministry is  broken into seasons. There are multiple and different tasks to be done in each.  But, each has a focus.  Summer is for preparation and incoming contacts.  Fall is for enlistment.  Christmas is for financial book work, end of year giving, and thank you's.  Spring is for discipleship and leadership training.

Recognize and utilize each season to the fullest. Your ministry will do better and YOU will do better over the long term.

Check out The College Minister's Library at Amazon.com/dp/B08CMD9CXX.

12 Million College Students and Your Ministry

 It just bugs me to know there are 12 million full time college students and all our ministries combined are reaching about 5%. At least this is the best guess of those who work with different college ministries nationally.

After surviving the crazy start of school and all the special events, now is a good time to stop and think a little bit.  What did we learn from our efforts the first two or three weeks that we need to file away for next year?  What worked; what did not work, and what was not worth the time, effort, and money it cost?

But here is a crazy thought......Should you make some adjustment to your ministry now?  I often advocate AGAINST those that are always playing around and changing things.  BUT, is there some campus situation that has changed that you did not anticipate?  Is the time for your weekly meeting just a little off or has the crowd outpaced what you anticipated?  Should you adjust your time or should you add an additional time on the same night?

Or, should you stop doing something you are doing because it is not working or taking too much time and effort?  Would it be better to invest that time and sweat in something else?

A few years back I wrote an article entitled, "5 Ways to Enlarge Your Ministry.....Only #5 is Guaranteed."  As crazy as it may seem, let me throw out a couple of those now.

    Combine multiple events into one night.  Should your freshmen family groups meet after your everybody large group event?

    Reduce your events to focus on one or two.  Is your main event getting the focus, effort, and energy that it needs for it to be all you want and need it to be?

    Ask each of your leadership teams to adopt one campus group to pray for, connect to, and reach out to.  No, I am not advocating, doubling what you ask them to do or to drop what they have committed to do.  Just see about making friends in another campus group.  And ask in leadership meeting if anyone has a good story to tell about their new friends or connections.

I did share in that article the GUARANTEED way to reach more students that a very few do.  It is simple; they lie about their numbers!  Don't do it.  Also, don't "Estimate".  You are being dishonest with yourself as well as others.  I am all about counting.  It helps you know where you are and if you keep records through the years, it helps remind you about the rhythm of the semester.  Some weeks are just always smaller.  It is that first big test week, etc. You and your ministry have not done anything wrong.

One last thing:  Someone has said that "People determine within the first 5 to 10 minutes whether they will return to a new event."  How is the 10 minutes BEFORE your event starts?  Is there music playing (even NON-Christian music), Is it obvious where to go and how to get in?  Are people being greeted and made to feel welcome?  And, does it start on time?

About that 12 million.....I am still bummed about that 5% thing.  Anything YOU can do at this point to increase it by 3 or 4 more students?

This article was adapted from "Reaching MORE College Students" Amazon.com/dp/B0BMW8NPMN

Common Characteristics of LARGER College Ministries

 We can always learn from those who have been there and done that.....and in college ministry they probably have the tee shirt. Are there commonalities of larger and growing college ministries that can benefit all of us?  Unfortunately, there is not nearly the formal research done in the area of college as there is in local church growth.  Yet, there has been some done which can benefit your thinking and planning.

In 2012 Tim Casteel, Cru Leader at the University of Arkansas, did a study of some of the larger Cru ministries and listed these common characteristics. While it has been a while since he compiled this information, I strongly believe the accuracy of it still holds.

5 Common Characteristics of Large Cru Ministries:

1.  Large Staff

2.  Long Term Leader

3.  Strong student leaders who are given much responsibility

4.  Strong/Intentional small group ministry

5.  They are THE ministry on campus (No other ministry is as large).

For some years I worked as a part time College Ministry Consultant for Lifeway Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.  In that role, I was able to travel the country and see and hear a lot about a wide variety of Baptist Collegiate Ministries.  These are my observations.

7 Common Characteristics of Large Baptist Collegiate Ministries:

1.  Long Term Leader

2.  Strong tradition/Long term presence on campus

3.  Excellent or large facilities

4.  Specific/Intentional Freshmen Ministry

5.  A flagship type campus

6.  Usually THE ministry on campus

7.  Strong financial support by churches, alumni, interested individuals, or a combination of all.

Obviously, you cannot wave a magic wand and suddenly have any or all these characteristics.  But, any ministry can be more deliberate and intentional in Freshmen Ministry.  Any ministry can work at developing strong student leaders and allow them to do their thing.  You can work at developing your financial resources.  Money does not make a ministry, but it is hard to have much ministry apart from financial resources. As a College Minister, you can determine to plant your life somewhere, unless God leads you further.  A friend of mine used to say in order to demonstrate his commitment to a particular campus, "I have gone there to die there." 

One BIG TAKE-AWAY:  Reaching MORE students always starts with and involves the leader.

This article is adapted from Reaching MORE College Students Amazon.com/dp/B0BMW8NPMN.

WHY Does College Ministry REALLY Matter??

 Does college ministry really matter?  Is that just a luxury that maybe we don't need to waste our money on?

2 Reasons College Ministry Matters:

1.  Psychologists say the two greatest times of change in a person's life are Birth to Age One and High School Graduation to Christmas.

2.  Ryan Burge, the Christian Pollster, asked a group of "Non-Religious" when they left faith.  The most mentioned age was 18.

I have a friend who was just recently told by her primary care physician that she had colon cancer.  Her first response was, "Who is the best doctor in this field that I should go see?'  She likes her regular doctor just fine, but to get the best possible outcome, she wants somebody who lives and breathes her issue all the time.  She wants a specialist.

College Ministry is a specialty in ministry. Pastors and other church staff members do a great job of caring for all types of people in all age categories and situations.  To say that it is time to call in a specialist is not to denigrate someone else.  It is the realization of a special need that needs addressing.  If young people are walking away from faith, as we know many are, then why not call in a specialist?

What are the "Special" Issues?

College is a time of being exposed to new ideas and new concepts.  One of the questions students begin to ask is, "How does my faith hold up in light of my new knowledge?"

A large number of college students marry someone they meet in college.  Should this key life decision be made in the absence of a Christian perspective and guidance?

Many start to college knowing what they want to do with their life and change.  Others start with no clue what they want to do.  Shouldn't a Christian understanding of calling, understanding spiritual gifts, and life purpose be part of this vocational decision?

Students come to college campuses from all over the world. Many have never heard the Christian Gospel and come from countries that do not allow Christian missionaries.  What if many of these hear and respond to the Christian Gospel and return to their closed country as a Christian?

One of the purposes of college is to prepare future leaders. Most, if not all Governmental leaders attend college and then play key roles in shaping our country and even the entire world.  Isn't shaping future leaders a key opportunity and need?

Churches are having an increasingly difficult time finding pastors as fewer young adults are expressing a call to vocational ministry.  When college students are making decisions about life direction, wouldn't it be nice to have someone talking about Christian vocations and calling in this crucial period?  Many high school students express an interest or calling to vocational ministry but do not continue with it.  College Ministers mentor those who have a calling to ministry.

College ministries invest in student leaders and give them opportunities to speak, sing, lead, etc. which prepares them more for service in the days to come. This prepares both Vocational Ministry leaders and lay leaders. Experience matters!

College is a unique time in the life and requires specific and unique applications by those specifically qualified to do it.

When my car is not running right, I want a Mechanic...not a Car Salesman.  When I am diagnosed with cancer, I want an Oncologist.  When we are hiring a football coach, we don't hire a basketball coach.  When someone goes to college, we need a College Minister!

The sooner we learn College Ministry is a specialty, the sooner we will do a better job of discipling and reaching young adults for Christian faith and service.

Check out Arliss Dickerson's "College Minister's Library" here:  Amazon.com/dp/B0BMW8NPMN.

Why Students Go Missing from Your College Ministry

 Everyone who serves in college ministry experiences students dropping out.  One common times this happens for freshmen is around the third or fourth week of school.

Common Reasons Students Drop Out:

1.  Their survival needs have been met.  Many freshmen start attending a ministry looking for friends and a sense of belonging.  As the school year develops, those needs are met by other groups and other friendships have developed.

2.  Reality Week hits for freshmen.  I call the third or fourth week of the fall semester Reality Week for Freshmen.  All the Welcome Parties and free food have ended and the first test happens.  Suddenly, there is the realization that they are going to have to study.....at least some.  That high school honor graduate gets their first D or F on a test.  They then make the other extreme route......"I'm going to do nothing but go to class and study.

3.  There are personality clashes, friendships or boy friend/girl friend breakups.  Just as relationships draw a student to a ministry and keep them connected, breakups in friendships drive them away.

4.  Schedules become more complicated especially for upperclassmen.  There are labs that meet at all hours.  There is hospital observation for health care students.  There are school observations for education majors.  There are internships and part time jobs.  This issue is a reminder of the value of always being keenly aware of the best time and day for your large group event.  This can change year to year.  It also is one reason that some ministries do a twice in one evening meeting, such as 7:00 and 9:00.  That is not just for space issues.

5.  Some Juniors and Seniors may feel they have done all the ministry has to offer.  Is everything just like it was for their previous two years?  Have they attended all the events?  This can be especially true for upperclassmen who are not in a leadership role.

6.  Church and Campus Ministry Overload.  If a student is active in a campus based ministry and a church based ministry, they may simply feel that they cannot give major time to both....especially as classes get harder and more demanding.  This also is a reminder of the necessity of campus ministries and church ministries not being identical in what they offer.  There are good reasons to be involved in both.

7.  A student may drop out when they sense their beliefs and those presented by the ministry  are different.  Again, a student connects to a ministry for a variety of reasons.  If you know that a student is leaving or has left over theological differences, do your best to help them connect to another ministry and leave well.  It is not unusual for a student to leave for that reason, but never get connected somewhere else.

8.  They drop out due to personal behavior.  Sometimes a student will do something inconsistent with their moral code and beliefs.  Their sense of guilt may drive them away from your ministry. Do everything possible to keep your relationship warm with them.

9.  The Most Frustrating One:  When there is mis-behavior by students in key leadership roles that cast a bad light on the ministry as a whole. This is part of helping student leaders be aware of how their lifestyle affects the ministry.  We must also deal lovingly with student leaders when we are aware of some behavior that is harmful not just to the ministry, but to them.  This is why some ministries maintain an "Honor Code" commitment.  But, we should not make our student leaders feel we are creeping around looking over their shoulders all the time to check on them.

As College Ministers, we must do everything possible to keep a positive relationship to students who have dropped out.  Be positive and encouraging to them when you see them on campus.  If they have dropped to do more at church, let them know you understand and are good with that.  If they drop church to do more on campus, help them see the need to at least maintain a "Sunday Connection" and to know they can do that and not participate in everything the college ministry has to offer.

Remember, you are NOT weird or or your ministry a FAILURE when students drop out.  It happens in every ministry and no one has a big of a crowd the last week of the semester as they did the first week of the semester!  Also, students can disappear one year and come back the next.  It happens!

Check out The College Minister's Library at Amazon.com/dp/B08CMD9CXX.